“You know what I’m gonna tell those Jews when I get to Israel, don’t you Herman?” a then Governor George W. Bush allegedly asked a reporter for the Austin American-Statesman.

When the journalist, Ken Herman, replied that he did not know, Bush reportedly delivered the punch line: “I’m telling ‘em they’re all going to hell.”

Of course, I’m a Canadian Jew and not Israeli so maybe he didn’t mean me. In any case, I’d always assumed it would be because I’m gay. But thanks for the birthday greetings, eh!

One of my guilty pleasures has gone all macaca on me. The latest instalment of Survivor will feature teams broken down by race: African-American, Hispanic, East and Southeast Asian, and White. Just what I’ve always wanted to see, a bunch of suburban whites whining about reverse discrimination every time “one of their own” is voted off the island (I’m white, before someone shrieks “reverse discrimination” at me).

In all seriousness, however, American race relations are very interesting. The country claims to be all about equality and melting pots, but episodes like Katrina and Mexican border fences show this to be very far from the truth. I think it’s a fine thing that this kind of hypocrisy is being addressed seriously by an American television network.

Hahahahahahahahaha! I could hardly type that with a straight face! I know! In know! This is major network primetime TV we’re talking here, the gang who brought us Erkel, the Nanny, has a grand total of 2 Asian stars, and situates long-running sitcoms in New York city about gangs of, um, friends, that have no black characters whatsoever..

Seriously. One half-step above Jerry Springer.

I hear rumours that the next instalment after that will be called Survivor: Jerusalem and will feature teams made up of Jewish, Muslim, Christian, and Druze players. Should be fun once they try to merge the tribes!

And speaking of American race relations, Florida politician and comedian Katherine Harris recently stated in Florida Baptist Witness that God created the United States to be a “nation of secular laws” and the the separaqtion of Church and State is “lie we have been told”. What’s more, not electing Christians to political office will permit governing bodies to “legislate sin”.

“If you are not electing Christians, tried and true, under public scrutiny and pressure, if you’re not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin,” she told interviewers, citing abortion and gay marriage as two examples of that sin.

“Whenever we legislate sin,” she said, “and we say abortion is permissible and we say gay unions are permissible, then average citizens who are not Christians, because they don’t know better, we are leading them astray and it’s wrong . . .”
(via Americablog)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!She is so great! This is almost as much fun as the time she recommended kabbalah water be used to cure citrus cankers in Florida`s orange crop!

Don’t worry, Katie. Even if I lived in the States, I wouldn’t run for office. It’s much more fun to watch you explode.

And speaking more of crazy Americans, a “U.S. State Department official in Toronto is accused of taking strippers on holidays and choosing jewellery for his wife as payment to push through visa applications”.

Behind the grey facade of the U.S. consulate in Toronto, Michael John O’Keefe Sr. was allegedly fast-tracking visa applications and reversing visa refusals for 21 people at the behest of Sunil Agrawal, the CEO of STS Jewels Inc., an international manufacturer and distributor of jewellery and gems.

As thanks, Mr. Agrawal funded luxurious trips to Las Vegas and New York for Mr. O’Keefe and two exotic dancers, sent jewellery and gift baskets, and even invited Mr. O’Keefe to attend charity functions as an honoured guest, U.S. prosecutors say.

There have been accusations from our neighbours to the south about the porosness of the Canada/US border. Hmmmm … I wonder which American border officials one has to bribe to get whomever and whatever one wants through the border?

But, dude. Taking Canadian strippers to the capital of strippers? It doesn’t make sense!

American actor, Maulik Pancholy

RAMSEY MURDER SUSPECT DRINKS GLASS OF WATER, WIPES MOUTH

(from the front page of the New York Times)

It was an immensely appealing experiment, both in its idealism and in its simplicity: Let young Israeli and Arab musicians play together in an orchestra to show that communication and cooperation were possible between peoples who had long fought each other. [...] By the end of the workshop Israelis, Palestinians, Syrians, Lebanese and Egyptians had learned to play together and live together, and the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra was born. (It took its name from a collection of poems by Goethe, inspired by the 14th-century Persian poet Hafiz.) Since then, the orchestra has studied and toured under Mr. Barenboim’s guidance and baton every summer.

(from the New York Times)

I would love to see an orchestra made up of Bush, Nasrallah, Olmert, Bin Laden, Ahmadinejad, Al-Assad, Kim Jon-Il, Chavez, Castro, Cheny, Rumsfeld, and the other scary men who shape our future. I wrote “see”, mind you; not “hear”.

How do you like the view? This is the view you’ll have once America, Iran, Israel, and Syria are through with us all, if you have a view at all.

“I’m tired of being held hostage by this situation.” This statement has won me universal scorn from friends on either “side” who claim to care about such things, although as they crank up the rhetoric and turn any opposing view to white noise, it’s clear that what they really care about is showing how smart they are.

Still, I am lucky. The only effects this latest segment of the ongoing conflict in the Middle East have been a tattering of my international social life and the death of the son of one of my favourite authors, David Grossman, one of the few Israelis to keep his leftwing views through two Intifadas and (now) two wars in Lebanon. I still have my house, my family, my friends, and my way of life is unchanged – although my life has been touched. No one I know has died.

And people have died. Hundreds of people. What is absent from the outrage of the majority of the tirades of the armchair, remote control pundits of all points of view is an absence of concern over the death of civilians – civilians – on “the other side”. If it’s a question of human rights, it shouldn’t matter what side of a particular border you live on to find sympathy from the outside world for the death of your loved ones.

Instead, the diatribes revolve around which world leader said what; which journalist interviewed whom, demonstrating a clear editorial bias (to the pundit, lack of media bias means agreeing 100% with the views the pundit espouses); who doctored photographs of what; which side falsely claimed victory. Through this mess they pick through, scavenging for detail that will allow them into fresh bouts of apoplectic outrage that will demonstrate to all around how very, very right they have been all along. And in all this is lost the thousands of lives that have been torn to shreds.

A good friend, in fact, one of my best friends, a sweet, kid gentle soul whose vociferous views have been shocking me recently. “Why can’t you and the rest of your hollow, liberals see that this is a clash of civilizations?” asked the former peacenik. I agree. But he meant it as a clash between East meets West. But I see it differently. It is a clash between insecure middle-aged men with too much power, no ability to reason, and feelings of doubt over the size of their dicks who think each other have bigger dicks. What’s more, it’s a clash between people who will espouse any viewpoint that fits into the paradigm of how they see the world and with no desire to contemplate deviating from the notions spewed out by the poorly-endowed old men.

Are you arguing a point simply because of what some guy thinks of his dick?

I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a D.U.I. charge.

That’s nice, Mel. By the way, how’s that Disney/ABC miniseries on the Holocaust coming along? Just dropped? Dropped today, you say? Shocking.

But would it have killed Disney and ABC to admit that they’re dropping him because of his xenophobic remarks? Will the rest of Hollywood have the guts to drop him too? And for good? Afer all, we apparently run the place, an amusing side project when we need to take a break from the rigours of starting all the wars in the world and making matzoh from the blood of gentile children.