Microsoft is getting all high on the packaging of their brand new product whose marketing strategy is a two-pronged attack:
- All the security we promised you the last time around and kind of delivered in drips and drabs that screwed everything else on your computer up but yay anyways!
- And now we look even more like Mac!
Hurray!
After plotting how to make the Gateseses cry by contemplating Macs, I decided to be fair and try out their Vista Tester to find out exactly how much of a Neolithic Neanderthal computer I bought only 4 years ago and how much money it will cost me to upgrade every piece of hardware to be eligible to pay lots of money to enrol in the Gates Vista Covert Beta Testing Programme buy Vista. They did not disappoint!
Even to get the basic version for people who have no idea what they’re doing but want to be all Microsoft hip, I’d have to buy all sorts of memory upgrades for my computer that was cutting edge and full of storage all the way back at the very beginning of this millennium, those many not-even-a-decade years ago.
But, they assure me, I really really REALLY must have the premium edition or my children will have rocks thrown at them by Vista Premium owners’ children as they slink shoeless through the back alleys to school. It’s a good thing I’m a single gay man with no children (never thought I’d ever write that sentence a couple of decades ago when I was struggling to come out). To avoid this, I only have to replace everything, including all the shit the manufacturer made me buy or they’d kill my cat.
The most hilarious thing about it all was that they warn me that their brand new, super-duper OS may not be compatible with their brand new, super-duper messenger and their brand new super-duper browser.
Do they not have team meetings at that place? It’s like they tell the legs to walk but forget to mention it to the feet. Oh, you entertaining Microsoft guys! It’s so cute the way you totally bilk us out of hundreds of dollars every few years for stuff that kinda works much of the time! Is it perhaps a psychological experiment on anger management?
