My breakfast today is my third cup of coffee of the morning and a delicious power bar, with a hilarious label exclaiming, “Now more moist!” (chocolate-flavoured Egyptian mummy. Yum!). Later I may have some orange juice for, y’know, vitamins and shit.
It’s Saturday and there are several practical things I could do. I could clean my apartment which these days is tending towards crazy cat lady chic. Hey! – If bears don’t have to clean their dens in wintertime, neither do I.
I could do some yoga since I’m skipping my actual class this afternoon do go on a date. But why bother? It’s Saturday and it’s like Saturday.
Just to make sure I’m in prime condition for my date – I haven’t had sex in three whole weeks! – I could rest and relax all morning. Maybe go back to bed and read my book, a history of ancient Sumer. This will make me sound brilliant and witty when I just happen to mention that there are competing theories on the origins of the Sumerian people and totally get me some sugar. Hooray!
I could also sit in the bathroom all morning and flush my toilet over and over again, making showers a quick hellish trip from the Equator to the Arctic and back for my neighbours. It’s what they seem to do to me when I shower, eh.
I could go for a jog, but it’s like snowing and everything. And like, yuck.
I could play tag with my cat. This is his favourite game ever and he probably won’t stop mewing at me until I’ve chased him around the couch a few times. This has the added bonus of irritating my evil witch of a downstairs neighbour who bangs on my floor with her broomstick whenever my neighbours play their music loud. Old bag.
Or I could just go back to bed.
