Very Pretty

Model-turned-Bollywood star, Bikram Saluja

In the Year 2056

MECCA – The 14 democratic member nations of the Middle Eastern Union unanimously voted to declare war on the U.S. Monday, calling the North American country a “dangerous rogue state that must be contained.”

Courtesy of The Onion, June 22, 2056 edition

Eat the Rich, Part Deux

Oprah Winfrey gets all in a huff because she’s not allowed to crash a private function at a perfume store after hours so she can shop. Apparently, it’s race-related and has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a spoilt, self-satisfied baby.

Hermes said a private PR event was being prepared so it was unable to accommodate the star at the time. [...] Her position is “I will shop where people appreciate my business, and I don’t believe that any longer includes Hermes.”

Courtesy of the BBC

All Philosophicalistical and Totally Deep

Here is an update of the kind of things I used to write in my notebooks as a bored teenager, pretending to listen to the teacher. I was, like, all counter-culture n’stuff and I wore black and my bangs, like, covered half my face. I’m very pleased to see I still have it in me:

My office is a wasteland of broken promises to myself and listless dreams that will never fly. The blank, sterile walls render me bereft of imagination, shorn of creativity. Oh how I loathe and abhor Friday morning, cruel mistress of torture and affliction. Pity me as I sink into a mire of pixelated, networked oblivion. I am swallowed alive by rampaging file-o-faxes and excreted out by empty toner cartridges. I swoon on my rolling chair and lapse into delusions of nothingness.

If I were one of those irritating people who had music on their site, invading the audio space of those of us who listen to music on our computers, this would be accompanied by some happy clappy Souxsie and the Banshees or something equally dismal and puerile. I am so glad adolescence of over a decade behind me.